life is too short to waste your time talking to someone who doesn’t get your sense of humor
operation watch/re-watch funny 30-minute shows to make me feel better:
I finally finished and turned in my REU paper.
Maybe I can relax and read again.
Maybe I can finish a new tv show.
Maybe I can start new things.
am I really that insignificant?
not that rankings mean anything
but it is slightly comforting that uchicago is #4 on US news’ list
like it’s worth it for some reason
I haven’t had coffee for what feels like weeks. Maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling down. I need caffeine now that I’m alone again.
"Did you just do your eyebrows? They look awesome."
Why, yes, yes I did. Thank you. My eyebrows feel like the only thing I can control in my life right now so I appreciate that compliment, friend.
Dinosaur egg oatmeal can heal all wounds.
This time last year I was literally aching to get back to Chicago. To watch the ivy blush in the fall and to parade around campus with my books and my coffee and my thoughts. I craved the independence I had grown to know so well. The promise of a new year made my stomach twirl. I was ready for everything to be new. New experiences, new ideas, new relationships. I was ready to be new again.
What has changed?
I haven’t left my apartment in days. I can’t bring myself to get out of bed, finish my REU paper, to make lunch. I re-learn my lesson, time and time again, expectations are useless. Hope is poison. I don’t want to think about what this school year will bring. I am living in uncertainty, and it doesn’t excite me anymore. I am more scared than ever.
And it’s a different fear than the one I felt the month before starting college. Instead of a fear of possibilities, it’s a fear of impossibilities.
By the time I graduate, I will have had four of these early Septembers. Each one different, poignant, and accompanied by loneliness.
Or so it seems. I’ll have to wait til next year.
I have a hard time feeling comfortable in silence.